Nine Wishes
by taintedtruffle
Summary: The boys find a genie in who says he will grant he each three wishes, unfortunately he can only do one every 6 months and even MORE unfortunately Cartman has been given first choice of wish. And of course Cartman makes a wish he's sure will irritate the little jew for at least 18 years to come. Set their first year of collage. Warning :Mpreg, straight orientation, language.
1. First Wish

Our four main characters are on their way home form the mall.

Kenny was looking at some dirty magazine he bought, Stan was on the phone with Wendy and Kyle and Cartman where just quiet, neither having anything they wanted to say to each other.

"Hum?" Kyle squinted looking at the group of teenage kids they were passing.

They where all gathered around something or some one - yelling and beating it. He groaned , knowing he'd get flack for this but headed twords them. Probably another stray cat or something.

"Hey what are you doing?" He yelled. Stan and the others looked up following their friend.

"What the hell ? Is that a .. that's a fuckin' genie! No way." Literally there in the middle of the group was a blue genie , beaten but looking straight out of Aladdin of something.

"Yea but he aint grantin' no wishes!" One of the boys glared , making a fist.

"I told you I can't !" The genie flinched away.

"Alright guys stop it!" Stan snapped, slipping his phone in his pocket. "If he says he can't grant wishes beating him sure wont help!"

"Yea." Cartman scoffed. "Y'all should all be glad he can't or he probably woulda ghosted all your asses."

Kyle offers a hand to the blue man who takes it .

"He's ours!" Someone in the group challenges and Kenny and Cartman step forward almost as if on cue.

"Go ahead. Make something of it - Ah dare you!" Cartman growls.

The teens flip them the bird but none of them want to fight the full grown Southparkians. The Genie half cowers, half hides behind the four of them until the teens are gone.

"Th-thanks." He stammers.

"What ever man." Stan shrugs

"Yea it's no problem." Kyle smiles at him.

"So why the hell can't you grant wishes?" Cartman asks.

"The council doesn't allow it. I can only grant one wish every six months until I prove my self. I'm new, sorta."

"MMhumm. Well we gotta go dude." Stan said. "You gonna be ok?"

He nods. "Yes and as a thank you I will grant you each three wishes .. I'll be back in two months to get the first one." And with that he snapped his fingers and dispersed.

"If he could do that why the hell didn't he do that in the first place?!" Kenny wondered.

"Who knows man." They keep walking , chalking it up to one more odd thing happening in south park.

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It was two months later and they had all but forgotten about the strange occurrence.

They where all in Kenny room, talking about the newest game when poof there he was in the middle of all of them.

"Hello." He greeted them.

"Hello."

"yo."

"hi."

"hello."

"I am here to grant the first wish. Eeny - meeny -miny - moe..." The boys watched him go through the whole rhyme before his finger came to rest pointing at Cartman.

"Oh god no." Kyle couldn't help but moan, stomach flip flopping.

"Any thing Ah want huh?" Cartman grinned. "Money. Fame. Hummmm.. And Ah have two wishes left after this hummm." He rubbed his large chin.

Stan opened his mouth to make a threat but Kyle shook his head- he didn't want to give him any ideas. All eyes in the room where on him. What would he say.

"Alright Robin Williams- Ah wish Kyle was pregnant with quadruplets that look just like us."

The genie nodded and snapped his fingers, a flash of light appearing before once again he was gone.

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Authors note: Hello~ I'll continue if anyone's interested , if not just consider this silly little non sense


	2. Reality

"Oh. MY. GOD CARTMAN!" Kyle charged for him, fist already flying at his fat 'friend'. Kenny and Stan just watched for a full minute before pulling them off of him.

"Whaaaay would you dooooo that?" Cartman sniffled , nose and lip bleeding, hands still trying to bat him away even after the others pulled him off.

"ME?! WHAT THE FUCK FAT ASS?! WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU WISH I WAS PREGNANT?" He screamed, getting in another swing before being dragged back farther.

"I don't knowww! I couldn't think and I wanted to do something to piss you off and I thought it'd be cool to have miniature versions of our selves."

"Oh my god." Kyle sat down , head between his knees as reality hit. "This can't be happening. This has to be a joke. "

"Y-yea dude sure. I mean... you don't even have a way for a baby to come out so it couldn'tve worked right?" Stan looks at him.

"Or do you?" Kenny approached him with a glint in his eyes.

"Kenny..?" He frowned, backing away.

"Take your pants off Kyle."

"What?! Hell no!"

Kenny lunged for him, catching him around the legs . "Grab him Cartman!"

Cartman obeyed grabbing him around the midsection and holding him.

"Stan help! Ow! Guys ! Your hurting me!"

"Were not doin' anything Stan. We just wanna see." Kenny said, yanking on Kyles pants.

"Just let 'em look Kyle. Than well know if the genie's magic even worked."

"I don't see you exposing your self to the room!" Kyle snapped, getting in a good kick square in Kenny's chest.

"Seriously dude? Would that make you feel better ? " Stan asked , unbuttoning his pants, face turning crimson.

"No - God no. This looks bad enough already. Just get these two off of me and I'll agree."

"Fine. Cartman off!"

The brunette let go but didn't move, Kyle still wedged between the two of them. Kenny pulled on his pants again, sliding them off along with his boxers. Kyle his his face both from embarrassment and shame. "Please tell me I still got a dick."

"Yea it's here but.." Kenny batted it out of the way reaching under it. "You've defiantly got a vag here too."

"N-No way!" Kyle jerked away jumping up. "Your lieing!"

"Let me see dude." Stan said, pushing his friend on the bed. "Ugh.." He nudged his friends penis out if the way, blinking. "Don't move dude." He pulled out his phone with the other hand, snapping a picture and letting go instantly. "Here Ky." He handed him the phone , looking ill.

Kyle looked at it in shock at the picture he snapped. There between those ginger curls of hair was an obvious opening. "Ohhh mmmyyy godddd." He groaned.

"Does it work?" Kenny asked and Kyle jumped as he felt a finger slide up inside him.

"WHAT THE FUCK? GOD DAMN IT KENNY!" He screamed, jerking away and yanking up his pants. "If you EVER do that again I swear I'll... " He didn't even have a good threat instead he just snatched up his book bag and ran out of the apartment.

The other three just sat in the room looking at each other.

"Cartman why do you always do this shit?" Stan asked, shaking his head and getting up grabbing his stuff and following his best friend out.

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"Hey - Hey Kyle wait up!" He trotted after the ginger haired boy, doing his best to catch up with him with out slipping on the icy ground.

"Go away Stan." He sniffled.

It wasn't until he was next to him he realized he was crying. "Hey.. Come here dude." He pulled him close, hugging him.

Kyle tried to pull away but gave up, letting his super best friend comfort him.

"I hate him." He sniffled.

"I know dude." Stan rubbed his friends back.

"Why-why does he always do this?!"

"Because he's an ass." He pulled away, straightening Kyle's green hat. "Look we'll go to the abortion clinic, get that shit outta you, the genie'll be back in six months- we'll wish you back to nornal, ok?"

Kyle just nodded, wiping at his face. "Thanks...S-Sorry for being such a baby." He didn't meet his eyes.

"What ever Ky. It's probably just pregnancy hormones or something. " Stan shrugged. "Come on."

They started walking , heading towards the business district, neither of them speaking a word. They walked up to the clinic, bumping into Butters mother out side the door.

"Oh um .. Hey Miss Stoch." Stan greeted awkwardly.

"Hey - oh um it's not what it looks like! I was just here handing out some pamphlets. " She handed him a pamphlet and Stan pocketed it with out looking. "Um.. thanks."

She kept walking .

"Ready dude?" Stan looked at his friend who was backing away slowly.

"I .. I don't know..."

"Relax. It's not like they'll even do anything today, we're just getting information." He walked inside, trying not to seem out of place. Kyle hung back not even going through the doors.

"Hi um.. " He walked up to the lady at the counter. "I'm um doing a project and I need to ask some questions. How soon after you know - getting pregnant can you abort the babies?"

"4-6 weeks." She sounded bored.

"Alright. Um ... next question . If it was a guy that was pregnant you could still abort him, right?"

"Guy's can't get pregnant hun. But if you mean a hermaphrodite than yes- we could."

"Alright thanks." He waves heading out.

"Well?" Kyle looks at him.

"She can do it. You got about a month before it's possible though."

"What if .. I don't want to do it?"

"That's on you Ky." He gave his friend a weird look. "I'm not telling you what to do and you've got time to decide." He ran his hair through his black locks of hair. "Ok well I gotta go- I was supposed to meet Wendy so .. see ya."

Kyle didn't know what to do. he wondered around town till it started to get dark than headed home. He forced him self to eat enough food so he didn't go into a diabetic coma than sighed, curled up in bed and hoped to wake up and find this all just a bad dream.

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Authors note: Good , bad or emoticon please review!


	3. Decision

It wasn't hard for Kyle to pretend like none of it happened because his friends seemed to be in a silent pact to do the same.

He was in silent turmoil , trying to decide what to do- what could he do? He could either have them aborted -murdered . If he was thinking of it he might as well call it what it was. Or else he could carry them for six months and hope he'd get a turn with the genie this time and just wish them out- safe and healthy.

But six months with four babies growing inside him... he bit his lips . He wasn't even sure he could do it. He was small, the tineyest of his friends by far.

Still he hadn't made up his mind so he made sure to eat healthy and take the right vitamins.

And his friends , although they hadn't said anything obviously hadn't forgot. Kenny and Stan offered to carry his books, none of them pressured him to drink with them, Kenny had even stopped smoking in the apartment. Even Cartman was nice, he hadn't hit him or tripped him once.

But now it had been long enough, a fact reminded to him when he made it to the breakfast table.

"So what are you doing Kyle?" Stan looked the ginger haired boy in the eyes.

"Umm it's saturday. I thought we'd hit the mall."

"It's been a month Ky." The air hung heavy between them all and eyes where on him.

He shuffled his cereal back and forth in the bowl. "I don't know.."

"It gets more dangerous the longer you wait."

"I know."

"And they can only legaly abort it up to a certain time. "

"Yes Stan.. I know.. I have the internet too.." He grumbled, instantly feeling bad for snapping at his friend. "Sorry."

"I'm just worried about you dude. "

"I .. I don't know. My stomach already hurts and it's only been a month but.. the internet says they have heart beats and brains and.. " He looked up from his cereal. "I don't WANT to kill them but what would I do with four children?!"

"Um .. Me and Wendy'll take one or two." Stan said , shuffling his own breakfast around. "We already talked about it and since there supposed to look like us she said she'd love a baby Stan and she'd take the Kyle too if you're not keeping him. Kenny and Cartman would be too much trouble."

"Ah'd take one." Eric said, not looking up.

"I'd rather abort it with a rusty butter knife than give it to you to raise. "Kyle snapped.

"Hey it was my wish and I'd be a damn good father!"

"Well if you wanted control over what happened to them you shoulda planted the fuckin' things in your fat gut. Got enough room there to play octo mom!" He huffed.

"I didn't think, exCUSE me."

"So the first thing that popped in your head was you wanted me knocked up?! I am literally TERRIFIED of what goes on in your mind."

"No .. I didn't want to kill you.. I mean were past that now but I wanted to piss you off and still you know get something enjoyable out of it.. " He looked Kyle dead in the eyes, face so serious it sent chills down his spine. "If you abort these babies I will abort you."

He stood up , leaning in close. "You don't have any right to say shit about what I do to them and you're not going to intimidate me. Not now , not ever." He turned around heading back into his room to get ready for class.

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"You should at least get a chuck up." Stan said as they made their way to campus.

"W-why?"

"I mean just in case you decide to keep it. I think your supposed to get one every month when your pregnant, right?"

"I'm.. not sure." He answered truthfully. "I guess I can go talk to the campus nurse today." He looked at the ground. "And I am Stan."

"Am what?"

"I .. I am keeping them. It has nothing to do with what Cartman said... it's just... I'm not a murderer Stan."

Stan nodded. "Wendy'll be happy."

He nodded idlely. "I wonder if my mom'll want one.."

"Won't hurt to ask. I got dibs on mini me though."

"Ok." He chuckled. "I don't know if you'll be able to tell them apart though. Most babies I've seen look like potatoes."

"Well as long as I don't end up with Cartman I think it'll be ok. "

"Ditto." Kyle agreed. He looked at his watch. They had 20 minutes before they had to be in class, might as well get this over with.

"You coming with me?" He asked, starting for her building.

"Uh sure I guess." Stan shrugged, following after the red head.

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"Hello boys , what's up?" Mrs. Meadows asked, raising her head from the book she was reading. They where in here occasionally, more often than not it was Kyle and Cartman after a fight. "You're other friends not here?"

"No um." Kyle didn't know what to say.

She waited patiently until finally; "It's ... a personal matter than? Would you like to talk alone in my room?"

"No .. It's not that I .." He fiddled with his gloves. "I don't know how to say this with out you just dismissing it as a joke."

"Well that's a good way to start. Just spit it out."

"I'm pregnant."

"You can't get pregnant." She looked at him sternly. "Honestly what do they teach you kids in school these days?"

"I'm serous Mrs. Meadows! I'm not just a boy .. I have um.. girl parts too and I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant."

She looks between the two. "Al...alright. Tell you what. I'll write you a referral to an ob/gyn. You BETTER not be wasting his time Mr. Broflovski."

"I'm not ma'am I swear." He mumbled, taking the paper she handed him. "Thank you."

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Classes for the day seemed to drag on forever but it wasn't eagerness that filled his gut, it was dread. If word got out about this it would kill any chance he had of ever getting a girl friend in South park, maybe even the state. Not that he could hide it forever.

Maye he should take an extended vacation with relatives or - He blinked, snapped out of his thoughts by someone or something screaming , a high pitched "Eeeee!" Noise. He didn't have time to react before he was grabbed and smushed against a pair of huge breast.

Authors note- Please Read and reveiw.. Even hate mails better than no mail at all ;3


	4. Exposed

"L-let go I can't breathe." Kyle gasps , clawing at whom ever was holding him.

"S-sorry Kyle." A female voice laughed and let go of him. It was Bebelin Steven, an excited glint in her brown eyes. "Wendy just told me! Eeee! I CANT BELIEVE YOUR PREGNANT! That's like SOO-"

"Ah-hem."

She jumped squeaking as she was taped on the shoulder. It was the teacher.

"Is there a particular reason you feel the need to interrupt my class young lady?"

"S-Sorry Mr. Gerik. I just got a text from my friend and -" She grinned rubbing Kyle's belly. "HE'S GONNA HAVE A BABY!"

"Sit down before I mark you BOTH down."

"Yes sir." They said in unison, Kyle sitting in his seat, Bebe going back to her seat a few rows back.

"Is it true?" The person next to him asked, some blond haired boy he hadn't spoken to once this whole school year.

"You're what?" A girl on the other side of him asked. "A herm? Like Lady gaga?"

"He's probably just a girl in drag." The boy in front of him said. "I mean look at him- her I mean."

"OH my godddddd." Kyle moaned, burring his face in his arms. "Can this day get any worse?"

He did his best to ignore the questions until class was over, rushing for the door only to be caught by Bebe. "SO it's true right?" She grinned, falling into step beside him.

"Yes but what the hell?! Did you really have to do that in front of the whole class?" He growled. "Seriously ? Did it ever cross your mind I didn't WANT people to know?! There gonna think I'm a freak."

"I don't think your a freak." She commented.

"Well you don't speak for everyone. " He tightened his coat as he stepped out onto the campus, trying to decide if he wanted to head to the apartment to drop his backpack off or head straight into town.

"What are you doing now?" She asked , shivering.

"Heading home and than I have a doctors appointment."

"Can I come?" She grinned.

"What am I Bebe , some kind of side show?" He stomped, glaring at the curly blond haired girl.

"No..it's not like that I'm just curious. And you know being a good friend to Wendy. She said you're gonna give her two of the babies so I just wanna make sure you're ok and stuff." She smiled, leaning down and rubbing his belly again.

"Fine fine. You can come just -" He swatted her hand away."Stop doing that."

She chuckled."Alright Mr. Grumpy."

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"No no no a thousand times NO!" Kyle screamed.

"Comon Kahhhhll."

"Why the hell does everyone want to watch me get a freakin' check up?! "

"Because Ah told yew Ah want lil baby me an' yew said Ah wouldn't be a good dad so Ah'm gonna prove it to yew."

"Hell no. You really want to be it's father in five months we can wish the thing into your stomach and you can birth it."

"FINE. Yew do that! But until than Ah'm Helpin'!"

"What the hell. Fine. Come on. Both of you can come than. Let's just go." He opened the door waiting for the two of them to get out before slamming it closed.

"So is it true than?" Bebe asked Cartman, opting to talk to him rather than the testy red head. "Wendy say you wished for it from a genie."

"Yes."

"Why do you want Kyle to have your baby?" She giggled. "You don't 'like' him do you?"

"W-what?! HELL NO! It was a split second decisions and Ah wanted to piss him off."

She wrinkled her nose. "Aren't you a little too grown up for your silly little feud?"

Cartman just grumbled something and she continued. "I mean how old are you now- and another thing, you really think you're fit to be a father? I mean all that hatred and stuff isn't good for a kid, right. Maybe-"

"You know you talk alot Bebe?"

"W-well I guess no one seems to mind." She looked away.

"That's just 'cause your pretty and sweet- they don't wanna say anything. "

"So why don't you have that problem."

"For starters you're healla outta mah league so it's not like I have to worry 'bout ruining my chances with you is it?"

"How do you know? Maybe were in the same league and you just don't know it?"

"I don't think you get this league thing than Bebe, not that Ah'm complaining."

Kyle just rolled his eyes, picking up speed on the icy sidewalks. He ignored there banter behind him, scanning the street signs in the dimming light, making sure he was headed the right way. Finally after about twenty minutes of walking he found the right building, hurrying inside.

"You two are NOT following me into the exam room." He said, grateful they both took their seats with out arguing.

It took almost an hour before he came out , the two of them sitting on the waiting room couch playing go fish with a deck left there by somebody else.

"What took so long Jew?" Cartman asked, looking up at him.

"Well they asked me every question under the sun, half of witch I had to lie about if I didn't want to look insne, took three vials of my blood, did an ultra sound, did another one." He tossed an envelope towords them setting down on the couch beside them. "Aperntly the genie kind of fails at basic human anatomy. There's literally the womb and exit. No sportive tissues or anything which they said explains why my stomach already hurts. To top it off there's no overies so he was thuroughly baffled as to how I even GOT pregnant. "

"And the babies?" Bebe was looking at the fuzzy images she had pulled out of the envelope.

"There all there." He pointed to four dark blobs on the picture. "There not defined enough to see anything but the sacks right now. He wants me to come back in two weeks for another check up." He opened his mouth to say something else but just closed it again.

"What Jew?"

"Nothing." He shook his head. "Let's just get home."


End file.
